Of Cheese and Lightsabers

Q: What did the Jedis from McDonald’s use to battle Darth Vader?

A: Cheese McSabers. HA. HA. HA.

   Yes, that was my vain attempt of a pun. And yes, you are required to laugh, even though I know you’re about to do a facepalm. That was actually kind of witty… Or not. Well, at least I tried.

   Anyway, this segment is of little to no sense at all. So I wouldn’t be surprised if by the end of this post, you’d go “What did I just read?” and then start flipping some tables for wasting minutes of your life. In a desperate move to sweeten my creative juices, and basically get a knack on writing once again, I’ve asked a good friend to prompt me some topics. Then lo and behold the birth of ‘cheese and lightsabers’ … and eventfully the death of my dignity as well.

Kidding aside, I mean how could you even relate cheese and lightsabers in the first place?

Just Jackie Chan and his infamous 'WHAT' face
WHAT?! Exactly.

   However, while at first these two seemed rather unrelated and thus prove to be a challenge, after a few minutes of painstaking interviews, research and deliberation, I was able to come up with five subtopics relating the two. Yes, five.

1.) First off, something ‘light’ and common: Can lightsabers cut cheese? At first, I wanted to say ‘no.’ I wanted to argue the ‘no.’ After all, as far as I know, light particles aren’t something you can manipulatively condense to form a blade that can cut cheese. Also, I think it’s more probable for you to melt it rather than cut.

   However, after doing a bit of research, recent studies from Harward-MIT Center for Ultracold Atoms show that it is in fact already possible to bind photons into molecular structures. So, given this… who knows? Maybe in a few centuries or so, lightsabers would already be possible accordingly to the movie/book that started it all. Moreover, if we’re just going to look at the scenario, which is whether or not it is possible for lightsabers to cut cheese and NOT whether lightsabers are possible, considering the description of sabers from Wikia and ignoring the scientific limitations we have today, then of course the obvious answer is ‘yes.’ After all, anything that can cut an arm can obviously cut cheese.

2.) But then, can lightsaber cheese? If you get it, this time, the answer is of course (100%) ‘no.’ HA. HA. HA. I mean, the only harmless thing a light can probably do to the cheese is ‘light’ on it. And even that only exposes concerned cheese to possible predators like people. And that it’s not even remotely related to saving at all. Now you get it? No? Something might be wrong with you.

3.) Third. Is it possible to cross a cheese and a lightsaber? Hmm… let’s see. Cheesesaber light. Cheeslight saber. Lightcheese saber. Do you understand? No? I don’t either. I don’t know what I’m talking about. So the answer is most likely ‘no.’

4.) Fourth. Believe it or not, just for the sake of lengthening this senseless post, I actually went through the trouble of interviewing people about what they think when they hear ‘lightsaber and cheese.’ As expected, most of them answered ‘none.’ But there were still a few interesting answers, like ‘Cheeseman with lightsaber as weapon’ or the ‘Tom & Jerry: Space episodes’. Hopefully, soon, we’d get a crossover with Tom and Jerry teaming up against Cheeseman with a lightsaber.

5.) The last but definitely not the least.

Q: What did the paparazzi photon say to the model?
A: Say ‘cheese.’

Okay. The last one was definitely uncalled for. TEE-HEE.


Prompted by Jovil Ruelo, ‘Anything about Cheese and Lightsabers’.


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